December 10, 2007

Fatherhood and Trenches

I want to write something profound and motivating about fathers and diabetes care. Here is the problem. I can't think of anything profound or motivating.

I know there are great dads out there who are engaged in their kids lives and as a result are involved with the care of their kids who have diabetes.

I also know there are a lot of dad's out there who aren't. I hear the frustration of their wife's in online forums. I wish I knew how to help get them involved as I suspect they are missing out on a lot of the fun in their kids lives.

Watch Pixar's The Incredibles. The story here is the dad is missing out on the adventure of his life and that is not the headline adventure of a super hero but of an engaged dad. Great flick. (At least two T1 dads involved in the production.) OK fun movies out of the way, maybe there are some other things to explore.

I know I didn't have a choice but to participate. I am as needle-phobic as they come. They spotted that at Children's Hospital. When our first D kid was in the hospital, they made me give him a shot. "Here it is dad's turn." I was probably more scared than he was but then maybe not I am sure kids can read fear in their parents better than dog smell it on an intruder. They made me get over the fear. Fear is real and I suspect that fear is one reason some Dad's don't do as much.

Fear of hurting the kid. Fear of not knowing what we should and not being able to show it, fear we will not do it as well as or the same as mom.

"No Fear" is a stupid slogan, of course you have fears - deal with'm.

Mom's way is another issue. Now ladies here is where you are making a choice. Dads most likely will not do things the same way you do and you have to be good with that or you are choosing to do it all. We are all different, not just husbands and wives all of us in all our families. To expect me to do things exactly the same as my wife is not going to work. YDMV. Ladies if you make it my way or the highway most guys are gonna hit the road or at least tune out. Say "It's Your Turn" and step away.

I can pour 3/4 of a cup of cereal by eye. Dead on. I have had to proved it a number of times to the kids and to mom. I am a good cook but I never measure anything. Making me use a measuring cup will piss me off. Measuring and scales work great for some folks - God bless'm, It ain't me. YDMV.

Guys - Step Up.

In point of fact there isn't anything magic here. You're on a team, you are a guy, you know that means ya gotta pull your weight. Fatherhood is about blocking and tackling not 85 yard glory pass plays. Get in there and do it. It isn't the glory of super hero work - there is an adventure in that the day to day work slogging it out in the trenches, be a part of it.

YDMV - I would love to hear from other dads.