I found this comment on my post Practice Makes... Seeing as it is WAY better than my OP here is Penny as a Special Guest Star on YDMV. If the bit about "the only thing we asked of her" doesn't tear you up you may need to see the Wizard for a watch.
I try to have Gracie participate in decisions about her Type 1 most of the time. Things like where she gets her shots, when she wants her dose (within limits), what meter she wants, where she would like to test, how much help she wants with the whole process (sometimes she wants A LOT of help as in 'Mommy, can you do it all?' and sometimes she doesn't want me to do a thing.) I think that's OK for a 7 year old.
I remember those early months of diagnosis and waiting, waiting, waiting for Gracie to be calm so we could give her her shot. It was the only thing we asked of her. We asked for literally nothing else but her to be calm. It was enough to ask of her at that time. I felt like if I forced her, I wouldn't like that done to me and she needed some control and decisions about her body. She lost most of that control in the hospital, she was only 6 when diagnosed. The more control I have given her, I think the more thoughtful she has become with her decisions. Who would have thunk it huh?!
I am hoping that I am teaching her good diabetic care and realistic diabetic care at the same time. Mommy doesn't change the lancet each time she tests (oh no I can hear the diabetic police coming right now!). Gracie is allowed to give herself shots through her shirts and pants. (Oh I am probably going to he$$ for that one.) So, I try to balance both. I try to teach her good decisions based on 'fair care' (I like your phrase!).
I would love for Gracie to grow up and independently and smartly care for her Type 1, with a dose of reality thrown in. Not everything in life is perfect. Not everything in life is fair. We do the best with what we have. We continue on. I hope that I am teaching her, by having her participate in decision making about her diabetes, that she is smart, capable and gonna make it through it all.
Enough rambling for one night...