April 3, 2010

Dear Kerri

I tried to post this on your Facebook wall. It wouldn't post. Good move on your part.

It is in no way a nice spring day (as far as you know) outside and you shouldn't be too bummed about being stuck in a hospital bored out of your freaking skull.

Just to distract you a little I'll tell you a story.

Just about 19 years ago (exactly 19 on the 27th of this month) a little girl was born. She was a little on the yellow side and we had to keep taking her back to the dealership, err hospital, for warranty work.

They would draw a little blood. (Doctors suck at it BTW.  Nurses know what they are doing.) She would scream. We would shrink. They would blame it on Billy Ruben.

I don't know who hell Billy was but I was ready to sock Mr Ruben right in the kisser.

After a while they decided to send a nurse to our house to test the blood. This was a lot easier than driving an hour to the hospital. Then they decided to wrap the kid in a funky blanket attached to a thing that looked like a canister vacuum cleaner.

Sounded like one too.

It had all kinds of Fiber Optics. I guess it was like FIOS. (Maybe Billy Ruben is that guy on the Verizon ads - The smug know it all cool TV installer.) Anyway with the belt fired up for awhile Billy Ruben stopped messing with the kid's blood. She turned more of a pink shade.

While she was light up she looked a lot like a Christmas Tree. So I put decorations on her. Somewhere I have a picture but lord knows where. I think there is one with her all light up, an ornement and the cat sitting there wondering what was going on.

Yes we had a cat. It's name was snotty. Good name for a cat.

All these years later I get messages on my Facebook wall from the kid. One came with a link and suggested that my spelling makes me a likely candidate for the Tea Party and while I didn't really appreciate it, I couldn't argue with the logic.

Most of the time I don't remember old Billy and the Vacuum of many lights. To much other cool stuff in between. So soon you will be un-bored and will forget most of the time all about the lovely hospital stay.

You will get to enjoy the joys of parenthood. A word that for a few years means poop.

LYMI