Scene IV: Not so Fast Q
Q has loaded up 007, a.k.a. Chris , with way cool spy toys, including a very special vehicle.
Q sent Chris off to Indianapolis via coach seats in a "RJ" - Regional Jet. You know the kind - 50 well worn out seats and they have to move people around to keep the weight and balance right before take off. Q seemed to think that this was going to be a quick and easy case of Pixar inspired inter planetary invasion. But is this a Bond parody or a Toy Story parody?
Our story continues:
Chris walks up to security, confident that with his Secret Agent Man status this would be a non-event. MGM, owner of the Bond franchise, and BadShoe aren’t all that close. This isn't his first rip off parody.
Chris is strip-searched and otherwise miss-treated by security. If you have been to an online chat this is nothing unusual for Chris.
Chris gets dressed, and walking a little funny heads out of the terminal. He stops to have his picture taken, “Your picture will be ready in about an hour. Just present this card. No obligation to buy. Goodbye Mr. Thomas” says the attractive young photographer. Chris looked over her lanyard, or there about.
Chris walks into the hotel lobby, past a guy selling a little girl a balloon. He strolls to the bar. There is a spectacular number of what Chris surmises are junkie on holiday judging by all the picture talking, syringes and infusion sets. One of the junkie tourist catches Chris’ eye. Chris thinks she must be in the College Program and gives the new her outfit the once over.
“The costuming staff does so much with so little on these projects” Chris muses to himself.
“You must be Chris,” she says, “I’m Calpumper.”
“What?” Looking up. “Oh yes.”
“Let me introduce you, over here we have a trio of Scotts and another Chris.”
“Good to meet you” The other Chris extends his hand, “so with you it's a full house Scotts over Chris’s”
007 is introduced around the room. There is much hugging and photo taking which inevitably leads to tangled set cords and much untangling.
As he approaches one group photo op Chris is surprised to see a familiar face standing on a chair. Well feet were on the chair and the face was atop the rest of the body but you get the idea.
“M?!” 007 starts to say but he is cut off.
“The name is Christel like William Tell. I don’t think we have met. And you are?” M makes it clear she is undercover as the little girl with the balloon walks by with her family.
“Cristal like my favorite sparkling wine?” Chris plays along earning a reproachful look from M.
007 mingles with the crowd and plays a few hands of Baccarat. Somehow he produces a fifth of Stoli shaken not stirred and settles in to his element. He looks sharp, like his is inviting notice, gray jacket and two earnings.
The little girl lets go of her balloon and it drifts up towards the security camera. Mayhem breaks out. The tourist kids have broken out what look like Buzz Lightyear toy lasers cannons. Mon is getting up. The hotel staff look really pissed off about the bottle of Stoli. Dad shoots the balloon with his cannon and it blows up like the Hindenburg, taking the hotel security system with it.
“Hydrogen!” Chris thinks.
The picture taking stops. Mom is beside Chris ripping something beside his chair. The kids are laying down cover file with their toy phasers. The staff and summit registration team are dropped - stunned in place. Dad has an emergency exit open and the family is herding the mass of infusion set wearing tourists out. Mom has a piece of duct tape in her hand and is pulling Chris free of the Baccarat table just chandelier comes free of the ceiling. It cuts Chris’ chair half narrowly missing him.
The family exits, Chris in tow, as the emergency lights come on. Dad shuts and holds the door shut with the tape mom had. Chris can see hotel staff in costumes on the floor bound and gagged with gray duct and he starts to take a swing at Dad. The little girl who had the balloon drops him with a green stun blast from her phaser.
As he passes out, Chris hears commotion, someone call “All clear Zurg.” Chris realizes Q must have been right.
But was He?
Next - Scene V: The Evil Emperor